Actually, the tittle says it all so I
won't need to extend myself too much this time. What I want to mean
is that we all, as musicians, as choir leaders or directors, want to
do our best, to know more, to get better ideas, to produce more
engaging rehearsals. Great.
What perhaps is not necessary (and not
even effective) is to change our personality.
Talking here is a person who is not
exactly the image of the “fear of God” martinet. Let's say, not
the most assertive look you can find. If you identify with this, you
can probably empathize easily with the many times I felt I “had to”
look more strict, more “in control” and things of that kind,
specially when in front of unruly students.
Eighteen years after I had to conduct
my first choir ever...I have been totally unable to change my demeanor. I felt I looked like nobody could ever be in awe of me in
the slightest. Like students would speak during my lessons and a look
of mine would never be enough for them to stop chatting, whereas I
could see others had the ability of generating silence around them
just by entering the room. I always admired that quality that I never
had.
In my first years of teaching I
experimented with advice from others, observing other teachers, and
tried to become a person that I was not... for a few minutes every
time, but I proved to be unsuccessful. And one does not really know
how it happens, but you get into developing the students songs,
talking with them, collaborating and listening...and time passes...
and one day I was told I looked confident.
I was shocked. I had never been told
that before.
And I have still the same unchallenging demeanor, same easy-going personality.
What changed was perhaps that I decided
which was going to be my kind of 'audience' and where I shouldn't go
because I would find it too hard. It was to sometimes let people talk
because they need it, and find that actually they had something
special to say. It was to feel at ease with people. It was shared
joy, and laughs when something doesn't work. It was a long talk in
the pub with the unruly one, and finding out what an interesting
person he could be, and the reasons for the many interruptions of my
lessons.
I invited the 'unruly' student to help
me in one of my sessions for people with learning difficulties. It
was a discovery, and since then he got involved in helping other
singers with more difficulties for learning the music than himself.
I still don't have an imposing
presence.
The difference is that now I don't try
to have it.
(What a relief).
I feel trusted.
